a letter from one wandering woman to another 👇🏼
I Hit the Very Bottom,
But You Don't Have to.
Have you felt as though you're a walking wound, and just as you begin to heal enough to form a scab, life fucking tears it right back off, leaving you exposed again with barely any protection, and it's JUST YOU to fend off the predators that life continually sends your way?
Everything in my life went haywire, yet I continued taking deep breaths and pivoting. No matter what I tried, who I spoke to and how much I journaled, I was still miserable with who I had become. I was trying really, really hard, and it wasn't fucking making a difference, and it all piled too high one night, and I lost all hope to keep trying... why was I always being thrown the hardest fucking tasks, lessons and hardships?
😖WHEN WAS IT MY TURN TO HAVE PEACE?
This was me two years ago, and now, I'd like to invite you into how I feel today and what my life looks like 👇🏼
I understand what happened to me in every situation of my life, and not just that, but I have come to feel at peace with each area. I no longer carry around the shame, the deep hatred and resentment that lay just below the surface for so long, so desperately wanting to bubble over. The molestation, the emotional abuse growing up (which led me down paths to destructive romantic relationships that pushed me to the edges of my mind, the feeling of my soul slowly splitting), and then having to start over in life financially, emotionally, physically and socially... TWICE all have a place in my intricate understanding of how I got here.
My health is on track now, and I no longer work against my body in the ways that bro dudes on youtube pressured me into; I've connected with my sexual self and have learned to work in partnership with the fears and fantasies I have that once scared me; I've learned to have hard conversations about my sexual health and desires with partners without me feeling like I'm the problem., I've not only set boundaries with my parents, who didn't protect me growing up, but I no longer feel the huge guilt and angst I once had against them.
After just a few quick interactions, I can now identify the many traits of narcissism in individuals. I also have a firm grasp on gaslighting, and I've worked through the actual brain changes narcissistic abuse creates. I've taken my very insecure attachment style that kept me in unfulfilling relationships and, yes, even had me partake in an affair as the other woman to now feeling secure and calm within myself, which led me to meet my future husband who treats me like absolute gold and is inspired by all the pain that I once went through to become... no! ... fight for the woman I am today.
I'm no longer scared of the sides of me that society considers the dark feminine; I have healed my wounds around men and gone from distrusting them all to now loving and holding space for how they're also deeply struggling. I've learned to gain the trust of my body after depleting it of enough calories and nutrients for three years, which in turn put me in famine mode, causing my body to store fat and slow my metabolism down, which then caused the majority of my organs to hold toxins and created an unhealthy environment.
I now fully understand that as the woman I am, I'm not built the way a man is, and therefore I get to approach life in a way that has always terrified our patriarchal society. Although it can sometimes feel overwhelming, I have enough wisdom and support in my life to continually make the pilgrimage to the ancient ways of life that women all once lived by.
And so I ask this of you... are you that woman who's been sobbing 😭 on the floor?
Have you given so much of yourself up to others and felt like a cast-off? What pain do you hold inside of you that's been pushing its head up to be heard? What pain can be alchemized into your strengths, softness, peace, and magic?
What are you doing about it? Are you attending therapy every week yet continually leaving with more questions than answers? Are you taking courses that feel too much and leave you feeling untethered, deconstructed and gutted? Have you felt as though you're a walking wound, and just as you begin to heal enough to form a scab, life fucking tears it right back off, leaving you exposed again with barely any protection, and it's JUST YOU to fend off the predators that life continually sends your way.
It's time for you to look in the mirror and demand more for yourself. This is not all that you're meant to be; this is not how the story ends for you.
You have that right now... you have the answer in your inbox at this very moment, and it doesn't require you to be 100% ready, but it does require you to take a step in the direction of who you've been wanting to be 👇🏼
The Metamorphosis Membership is just that... to take you from the hard, callous lifestyle of the caterpillar and to wrap you in a snug environment where you will safely soften, reconstruct and emerge as the butterfly.. that has ALWAYS been inside of you, and you will then learn to navigate this new world as this version.
Metamorphosis is a private membership that will only open THREE times a year, so once it closes in the next few weeks, you will have to await the next opening.
Love, Nell💕Your Answer is Here🦋